Protecting Your Alone Time: Shelby DiNobile on Learning How to Prioritize Yourself
“Being alone can be worth a lot more than being in the wrong relationship.”
Shelby DiNobile is no stranger to Loner Living. Even before he got off social media as part of an introspective Loner Year, he always prioritized following his gut instead of the crowd.
In high school, he landed his first internship working backstage at fashion shows. In college, he turned down stable corporate tech gigs to keep following the work that aligned with his creativity. Along the way, he learned to walk away from relationships that never gave him as much as he can give himself.
In Part II of his conversation with A Merry Loner, Shelby talks about the power of solitude, the importance of doing work that truly fulfills you, and why the right relationships will always respect your need for space.
This is Part II of a two-part interview with Shelby DiNobile. In Part I, Shelby talks about his decision to stop using social media for a year—and what he learned.
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AML: When we met in college, we hit it off because we were both kind of on the outskirts of the typical college experience. We were both very independent and doing things a bit differently than the average student. Can you share a little bit about your entrepreneurship during that time?
SD: I always knew that I liked fashion. When I was in high school, somebody connected me with a designer, and I started an internship. So when I got to college, I already had experience—and I just kept going. I worked really hard; I went to a lot of events and networked a lot, so I think people saw that I was driven and serious about working. That’s how I started working backstage at shows with fashion designers, and soon people were asking me to work with them. I think that’s just what I’m supposed to do.
“I didn’t really understand how to take that route of: get a degree; get an internship; get a job.”
Some people (I can understand it) after a while, would be like, “No, I don’t want to do all these internships and all these side gigs. I just want to get the degree and get the job.” That would have been a lot more simple. But I didn’t really understand how to take that route of: get a degree; get an internship; get a job. That scared me a lot, actually.
But I did try it. I got an internship at [a corporate tech company]. But when I got there, it seemed like whatever I was doing didn’t matter. Like it was all fake. When I left at the end of the day, I felt like, “What did I even accomplish? All I did was make a slideshow and email it to six people. And then everyone said something back. So what?” And this was a big corporation. They offered me a job at the end, and it would have been very stable, a great 401k, all that. But I didn’t feel like I was doing anything. Then I got offered a job in sales by another [legacy tech company], but I brushed it off. I didn’t want to do it. I was like, “I don’t really see how I’m gonna fit into a company like that.” It wasn’t in alignment with my interests. It just sounded too rigid.
I wanted to keep doing what I was doing, which was working for a fashion designer and a home designer—all while still in college. That type of work, it isn’t very structured. But it just felt a lot more fun to do. It’s a lot more creative; it’s a little bit glamorous. I’ve had other corporate jobs since, but I had to go back to what I know. So fast-forward to now, and I’m working for another designer again, Kimberly Pucci.
AML: You’ve always balanced so many projects at once. Has it ever felt like that cuts into your solo, relaxing time?
SD: I remember when I started in fashion back as a student. It was actually a luxury if I had some time alone and I could do whatever I wanted to just relax. One of my favorite things to do then when I was alone was go to a library or a coffee shop or a hotel and just pick a random topic and do some research on it. I still do that now—just go to libraries or historical buildings or random cute boutique hotels. That’s my favorite thing to do when I’m alone. Just plop myself in some cute environment and open my laptop and figure out what I’m doing in the next week or year of my life—just have a drink and think and enjoy myself.
“I learned to protect my time and that being alone can be worth a lot more than being in the wrong relationship or the wrong company.”
That time alone when I’m not being influenced by what everybody else needs. In college, one of my…
Or read Part I first: Looking Inward: Why Shelby DiNobile Decided to Get Off Social Media & What He Learned.
Wishing you well,
Merry
P.S. Connect with A Merry Loner and Shelby on Instagram.